Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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