Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
