he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
