So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
