I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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