K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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