nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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