I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize