Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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