I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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