I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
