i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
