I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
