i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
