I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
