my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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