i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
