BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
