So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
