No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
