He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
