census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
