We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
zippers are such a cool invention
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
