i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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