She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
