Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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