Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
