I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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