her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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