Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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