covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
