she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
