Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need to calm my uterus...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
