sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
