O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
