When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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