I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
