How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize