Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
