your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
