is your mom at the bar?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
