I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
