69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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