I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
