bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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