Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
