Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
