my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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