I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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