I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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