You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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