I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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