He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
