You're completely useless in the revolution.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
