dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
