3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
