So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
