I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
