I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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