she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
