I just found a bag of teeth...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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