i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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