I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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