Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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