You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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