During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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