I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize