I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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