You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
where are my eyebrows?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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