It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
