i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
