So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Shame - the story of my life.
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